These changing times

I know, I mentioned this would be a blog free from personal musings but you can’t really separate the personal, especially when one is on a journey to find oneself.

For a whole year, I have been living a life of quiet desperation, resigning myself in a job I didn’t like but after a year I finally had the courage to change my path and turned in my resignation.

Most people, my friends in the office, think it was all due to my current supervisor (a woman with a reputation of giving people under her hell, well deserved, I think) but it wasn’t. She’s just one of the factors but not the whole reason.

I am not without blame in this, I freely admit I have dropped the ball at almost every opportunity given to me. This job requires a person passionate about the details and as days weaved into months I realize that two wrongs can really never make a right.

Try as I might, my personality is not suited for this type of work. Try as I might, this job does not hold my interest. Try as I might, I have realized it would be better for the company and far better for myself if I start looking for another job.

A job far suited for me and the path I would like to take.

All my life, I have lived under my parent’s advice. Some of their advices pan out, but I’ve come to another epiphany. I should learn to rise and fall by my own decisions and not be swayed by the opinions of others, most especially my parents’.

I am my own person with different sets of dreams and wants, and though they want the best for me, they are not me.

I owe it to myself to at least try to pursue my dreams, to live my life as I see fit. I want to write and I want to teach, I want to travel and I want excavate. I want so many things in my life I don’t think I have room for my parent’s good intentions.

I want to travel to Tuscany and feel the Italian sun on my face, I want to go to Istanbul and see with my own eyes the beauty of the Hagia Sofia, I want to go to Greece and brush my fingers against the molding but still magnificent pillars of the fallen temples, I want to study the lives of the people before me and write their story, I want to create. To do.

But in the end, I want only one thing — I want my own life.

Because life has got to be something more than endless pursuits of reports and client’s needs. There has to be.

 

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2 thoughts on “These changing times

  1. Congratulations. You just did something so courageous. Knowing that you want your own life is one things but going onwards and doing something about it adds the courageous part of the equation. Whatever you intend to do in the future, I wish you the best of luck. Hold life by the lemons! Seems like you know how to grip it already!

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